{"id":437,"date":"2014-12-17T13:37:59","date_gmt":"2014-12-17T11:37:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/gavinford.com\/thinkspot\/?p=437"},"modified":"2014-12-17T20:44:37","modified_gmt":"2014-12-17T18:44:37","slug":"loads-of-potential","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/gavinford.com\/thinkspot\/loads-of-potential","title":{"rendered":"Loads of potential&#8230;"},"content":{"rendered":"<p align=\"center\"><a href=\"http:\/\/gavinford.com\/thinkspot\/loads-of-potential\/17122014-031\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-438\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-438\" alt=\"17122014 031\" src=\"http:\/\/gavinford.com\/thinkspot\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/17122014-031-300x225.jpg\" width=\"300\" height=\"225\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p align=\"center\"><span style=\"color: #000000;\">A cynic\u2019s guide to real estate sweet talk<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">Ads that pitch a property for sale,\u00a0often say one thing, while hiding an entirely different picture.\u00a0Here&#8217;s my\u00a0tongue-in-cheek expos\u00e9 of the hidden subtext behind\u00a0some commonly used expressions in the real estate world.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">Real estate sale&#8217;s puffery spins a cocoon of cosy deceit. Its lazy clich\u00e9s lure and lull the uninformed potential buyer with promises that exaggerate the desirability of a property in the hope of lubricating a deal. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">Estate agent speak is an exercise in deliberate obfuscation. Dislocation. Dislocation. Dislocation. By default, all apartments and homes will be presented as \u2018immaculate\u2019, pools as \u2018sparkling\u2019. Don\u2019t be duped by the smooth talk. The following \u2018translations\u2019 will help potential buyers slash through the hyberbole:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"color: #000000;\">\u2018In a sought after area\u2019 (often spelt \u2018sort after\u2019, since estate agents are notoriously bad spellers) = neighbourhood with absolutely no redeeming features.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #000000;\">\u2018Architect-built\u2019 or \u2018renovated by an architect\u2019 (we would hope so) = badly conceived or rethought by an interior designer to pass off particularly\u00a0inept lay-out as a deliberate aesthetic choice.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #000000;\">\u2018Needs TLC\u2019 (Tender Loving Care? Ha!) = needs to be dynamited and redone from scratch.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #000000;\">\u2018Charming\u2019 = ditto TLC. Totally outdated and tatty or a cottage masquerading as a house.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #000000;\">\u2018Lots of potential\u2019 or \u2018olde worlde charm\u2019 (sic) = a dump.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #000000;\">\u2018For the discerning buyer\u2019 = NOT.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #000000;\">\u2018In the vernacular\u2019 = stands out like a sore thumb, i.e. ugly and outdated.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #000000;\">\u2018Intimate cottage vibe\u2019 = claustrophobic and pokey.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #000000;\">\u2018Pied-\u00e0-terre\u2019 (spelt in a variety of hilarious, but uninformed ways) = hole in the wall.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #000000;\">\u2018Serious seller\u2019 = property has been on our books for far too long at too greedy a price and it\u2019s getting stale. We\u2019re ready to slash wrists, but not so much the price.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #000000;\">\u2018Oh so divine!\u2019 = hoping to attract the arty types.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #000000;\">\u2018Lovely fixer-upper\u2019 = for people with nothing better to do than fight with building contractors.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #000000;\">\u2018Neat as a pin\u2019 = as tiny as a pin\u2019s head \u2013 only a prick will fall for it.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #000000;\">\u2018Dream house\u2019 = in a nightmarish neighbourhood.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #000000;\">\u2018Versatile home: option for dual living\u2019 = cajole your \u00fcber-wealthy single aunt into a live-in proposition so that she can stay under the house but pay for half the property.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #000000;\">\u2018Lock up and go\u2019 = minuscule, with a garden (if you are lucky) the size of a stamp. <\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #000000;\">\u2018Ideal investment\u2019 = noisy and small, sometimes run-down.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #000000;\">\u2018Side sea-view\u2019 = sea usually only visible from the balcony\u2019s side edge \u2013 if there is one \u2013 or, if you poke your head out of the toilet window, twisting sideways, you will be rewarded with a glimpse of a blue pencil line in the distance (similar to the Parisian real estate promise of \u2018vue sur verdure\u2019 or \u2018views onto greenery\u2019 = view onto a patch of green the size of a bowl of salad).<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #000000;\">\u2018Walking distance to the beach \/ sea\u2019 = absolutely NO sea view.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #000000;\">\u2018Secluded\u2019 = tucked away up a difficult-to-access cul de sac, perfect for \u2013 surprise! \u2013 organised crime visitations.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #000000;\">\u2018Renovator\u2019s dream\u2019 = a dump we\u2019re trying to sell at a premium.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>A cynic\u2019s guide to real estate sweet talk Ads that pitch a property for sale,\u00a0often say one thing, while hiding an entirely different picture.\u00a0Here&#8217;s my\u00a0tongue-in-cheek expos\u00e9 of the hidden subtext behind\u00a0some commonly used expressions in the real estate world. Real &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/gavinford.com\/thinkspot\/loads-of-potential\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[38,17,45,46,44],"class_list":["post-437","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-acronyms","tag-crisp-communication","tag-pitch","tag-puffing","tag-spinfluence"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/gavinford.com\/thinkspot\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/437","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/gavinford.com\/thinkspot\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/gavinford.com\/thinkspot\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gavinford.com\/thinkspot\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gavinford.com\/thinkspot\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=437"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/gavinford.com\/thinkspot\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/437\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":458,"href":"https:\/\/gavinford.com\/thinkspot\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/437\/revisions\/458"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/gavinford.com\/thinkspot\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=437"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gavinford.com\/thinkspot\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=437"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gavinford.com\/thinkspot\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=437"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}